hoa. OK, calm down. Let me just say this and go from there: Christina Aguilera’s “Dirrty” is the best pop song to come out this year.


Reason #1: The pieces don’t quite fit together.


The bassline doesn’t quite mesh with the song in a natural way that I am accustomed to in most pop songs. It seems disconnected from the rest of the song. It’s this disconnection, however, with the rest of the song, that allows the song to independently bounce in two different directions at once. Christina’s vocals near the end are three-fold, allowing her to sing three different parts at once. It’s an interesting trick, which has worked well in the past, but actually detracts from each part. BUT, this is key, because you can’t sing along to the end part of the song. You have to feel it. Which is what all great pop music must do, in my opinion, to succeed. Great pop music forces you to dance or sing to the beat or lyrics. You don’t have a choice. Christina takes away the ability for anyone to sing a part. Or, in an even better fashion, makes this song inherently communal in the fact that it would take more than one person to sing the final chorus. Instead of allowing the individual to enjoy this music all by itself, it is then enjoyed even more in groups.


Reason #2: The song is EXHAUSTING.


And why shouldn’t it be enjoyed in groups? That’s what pop music is all about, appealing to as many people as possible. And god knows I need people around me when listening to this song to pick me up off the floor. It’s absolutely exhausting to both listen to- try concentrating to each individual part (it’s hard and hurts my brain to do so)- and to dance to- OK, I’m not the world greatest dancer, but I began to sweat profusely the first time I tried to do so to thi song the other night. If you do the song any justice in listening/dancing you will begin to become as tired as I was on both occasions.


Reason #3: It ups the ante.


At the end we hear Christina said “uhhh what!” as though she’s just been through an orgasm and is talking through the initial delirium immediately afterwards. She’s exhausted too. One of the reasons for this is that this song is essentially part of a war that Christina has been fighting ever since she first burst onto the scene after Britney Spears. If “Slave 4 U” was a Pearl Harbor-esque surprise of emergent sexuality from the unexpectantly grown up teen songstresses, surely “Dirrty” is Hiroshima- busting past any other sexually charged song into the spotlight as the absolute benchmark for warfare/sex in songs.


Reason #4: The Video


I haven’t seen it yet. But I hear it’s mindblowing.