his week on Singles Going Steady: T.I. gets horny, Scissor Sisters go retro (again), rock-rap gets a slight makeover, and Green Day and 213 make it seem like the mid-90s all over again. Plus, another Strokes single, and our highest score for a single yet!



Green Day
American Idiot
[5.2]

Ian Mathers: I love Green Day more than the next person, but this is slightly underwhelming. Yes, in one sense it’s nice to see Green Day jumping on the our-country-sucks bandwagon (because, speaking as a filthy foreigner, it does), but this feels like a slight step back after the masterful Warning. Still, that doesn’t make it any less fun, it’s just more generic than Green Day’s best work.
[6]

Gabe Gloden: Do you suppose Green Day’s fan base must have turned over at least three full times by now? Think about it, I seriously doubt anyone who bought Insomniac is still in their pop-punk phase and I can almost guarantee that anyone who loved Kerplunk when it came out doesn’t even listen to the radio now. But still, the younger generation will always need songs like this one to help them through high school.
[6]

Matt Chesnut: Evidently Billie Joe Armstrong is vaguely concerned about politics or something! The weirdest target here, though, is “the redneck agenda”. I’m interested to know exactly what that is. Getting the Dukes of Hazzard on a stamp?
[5]

Andrew Unterberger: Supposedly the “return to form” single, and I guess that’s essentially true—the simple punk riffs, the dumb lyrics and the fast tempo are all back. However, one thing is different—the dumb lyrics are now about serious subjects…like that evil, all-consuming anti-musical force, politics. Kinda takes the charm out of the Green Day formula.
[6]

Josh Love:
{8} for Billie Joe’s indelible sneer
2 point deduction for clumsy political rhetoric and hollow buzzword sloganeering.
2 point deduction for doing this better on Dookie, back when they just embraced the fact they were jackoffs.

Comments: Hard to believe they even qualified at this late stage of their career, quite an accomplishment just to have made the field, clearly the sentimental favorite, but sadly unable to recapture past glories. Overall score:
[4]



The Strokes
The End Has No End
[7.4]

Ian Mathers: That bit right at the beginning of the chorus where the guitars go all psychedelic. The return of the “keyboard” from “12:51”. And that chorus! It’s one of those beautiful rock choruses that we all know doesn’t mean anything, but still feels like it does.
[8]

Gabe Gloden: Just another foot-tapping, head-swaying three-minute slice from the same Velvets-inspired pie that gave us all their other singles. To borrow from Threesome: the Strokes are like pizza, even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.
[7]

Matt Chesnut: Dynamically, it’s a lot like “The Modern Age” from their debut (sing the first verse, guitar solo, scream the second verse), though the opening and closing bars don’t make a lot of sense. They don’t help or hurt the song, but you kind of wonder what they’re doing there. Better than “12:51” at the very least.
[6]

Andrew Unterberger: The Strokes continue to defy rock criticism with “The End is No End,” the latest in a long line of Strokes singles that neither impress nor disappoint. Good enough.
[7]

Josh Love:
{9} for one of Julian’s rawest and most impassioned vocal performances to date; for still getting mileage out of their patented motif of kicking the song into overdrive near the end, a trick that seems easy enough, but a trick that nobody else seems smart or ballsy enough to pull off.
Comments: Firing on all cylinders here, the all-around champ blows by the rest of the field with breathtaking ease to claim the gold. Truly a performance for the ages. Coming soon to a Wheaties box near you. Overall score:
[9]



T.I.
Let’s Get Away
[6.0]

Ian Mathers: I’d heard from some of my Stylus compatriots that T.I. was pretty criminally overlooked, and hearing this I can believe it; sure, the song itself is about nothing more than the necessity for one-night stands when you’re (a) a pimp and (b) touring, but that Jazze Pha assisted-chorus and T.I.’s flow elevates the whole thing into the realm of the compulsively listenable.
[8]

Gabe Gloden: Remember Too Short? He was a pretty good storyteller, not to mention that most of his lurid tales had some element of humor. But this song is just narrative-less, unimaginative pornography. I feel like Jack Horner from Boogie Nights reminiscing about the days of artful mature filmmaking, but settling presently for cheap facials.
[4]

Matt Chesnut: In the same vein as David Banner’s “Pretty Pink”, this is another Jazze Pha production that kills. How many times am I going to say “delightful sex romp” when describing hits? I imagine a few more are in order as the summer comes to a close.
[7]

Andrew Unterberger: Disappointing follow-up to one of the year’s best breakthrough singles. Despite T.I.’s still impeccable flow, the tired chorus (“Hotel” was better than this, maybe it’s the Pink Zorro mask?) and boring wah-wah guitar hooks just aren’t doing it for me.
[5]

Josh Love:
{9} for T.I.’s laconic lyrical prowess and syrupy hypnotic delivery; for displaying the gumption and pluck necessary to shoot a rap video while still in prison.
3 point deduction for not being “Doin’ My Job,” Trap Muzik’s still-unreleased standout.
Comments: This youngster continues to overcome obstacles and turns in a bronze-worthy performance, though his current incarceration most certainly disqualifies him from competition. Overall score:
[6]



Scissor Sisters
Take Your Mama Out
[8.4]

Ian Mathers: Since we already have a gay Elton John I’m much more intrigued by the idea of a gay Primal Scream (n.b. the beginning). The collision of those two sounds is actually even more fun than you’d expect, and there’s a certain loose-limbed joy coursing through the song that’s irresistible. Stay out all night, baby; you’re a full-grown man.
[8]

Gabe Gloden: You hear plenty of comparisons when people talk about the Scissor Sisters, and here’s one more: it’s Andy Gibb singing over a Elton John song performed by Fleetwood Mac and produced by Giorgio Moroder. You see, they work the same magic with the 70s as Andrew W.K. does with the 80s, by embracing the decade’s kitsch and making it into something artistically valid that transcends a “guilty pleasure” tag.
[9]

Matt Chesnut: The song my mom playfully called “a rip-off of Elton John”. She didn’t even need to read press junkets about them to know that. But damn if this is not infectious as all hell. “A-do eeyet! Take yo maw-ma out awl night!” Awesome.
[10]

Andrew Unterberger: I was totally unimpressed with this song at first—never being much of an Elton John fan didn’t help so much—but now I gotta admit, with falsetto that awesome, guitars that snappy and a lyrical conceit that off-kilter, this is pretty great after all. So what was that about Tumbleweed Connection, again?
[8]

Josh Love:
{9} for sounding exactly like Elton John; for lyrics that somehow manage to be both sleazily decadent and disarmingly sweet; for not being “Comfortably Numb”.
1 point deduction for sounding exactly like Elton John.
1 point deduction for the fact that The Darkness did falsetto camp better in ’03.
Comments: These flamboyant Yanks value style over substance, but prove here they have the technical chops needed to secure the silver. Inexplicably covered in glitter. Sparkly. Overall score:
[7]



Chronic Future
Time and Time Again
[4.4]

Ian Mathers: Like most rap-rock (this isn’t hard enough to be metal), the “rock” is much better than the “rap”. Not because rap is somehow inferior, the band is just clearly better at (more experienced?) the rock stuff. So the rapper sounds like he’s been mainlining Jolt cola, whereas the rock chorus sounds vaguely like a well-scrubbed Sum 41, right down to the lyrical sentiment. Also: Worst band name ever.
[4]

Gabe Gloden: Delightful to finally hear some dynamic rapping and quirky song structures that don’t fall into the typical rap/scream chorus/rap/scream chorus cliché of this genre. Not to mention, teen angst hasn’t been this, well, intelligently captured in a long time. “And what your parents handed down to you to handle, make sure you carry torches when they’re puttin’ out your candles.”
[7]

Matt Chesnut: There are some interesting elements that pop up here. The intro, for instance, is promising in its weirdness. But the chorus is pretty much modern rock chart fodder. And I’m not so sure the whole rapping bit is a good idea either.
[3]

Andrew Unterberger: The wishes of a thousand underground kids have finally come true—emo-rap is finally on MTV! One verse of this song probably contains enough teen angst to power countless livejournal communities. It’s a refreshing new expression of over-emotion, and though it sounds a bit clumsy (give the genre a break, it still needs time to work out the kinks), it could be the real start of something.
[6]

Josh Love:
{7} for propulsive, anthemic rock radio goodness in the chorus
3 point deduction for execrable rap that makes Linkin Park look like Ludacris.
2 point deduction for quasi-spoken-word bit in the middle.
Comments: An unknown commodity that no one expected to medal with this 311-meets-P.O.D. routine. Was unable to come back after an early fall. Overall score:
[2]



213
Groupie Love
[5.0]

Ian Mathers: Warren G really does pale in comparison to Snoop and Nate Dogg, eh? Classic squelchy G-Funk, deeply dodgy lyrics almost redeemed by Snoop’s immense personal charisma, another of those choruses that you can’t imagine anyone but Nate singing… Well, it’ll do for now.
[6]

Gabe Gloden: This might be the most annoying, repetitive beat that Snoop has graced since his days with hack, Master P. None of ‘em can save this song, it’s DOA. There must have been a better pick for lead single off their new album.
[2]

Matt Chesnut: There’s not enough going on in this song to make it worthwhile. The hook is like Double Bubble. Good for about two minutes and then you gotta spit it out. I’m thinking this’ll be in a McDonald’s commercial soon.
[4]

Andrew Unterberger: Snoop Dogg, Warren G., Nate Dogg and squelch bass? Sold. Put me down for three copies.
[8]

Josh Love:
{9} for Dream Team combo of Snoop, Warren G, and Nate Dogg; for the unheralded return of Warren G; for the funkentelechy beat.
2 point deduction for going through the motions lyrically.
1 point deduction for doing another song about groupies.
1 point deduction for inability to hit the outside shot.
Comments: Clearly, these All-Star malcontents couldn’t muster proper motivation for this event. Each participant has experienced greater success on his own, and consequently no one was willing to buy into the team concept. Overall score:
[5]